COUNTERREVOLUTIONARIES
The DDG Shuffle
Greetings music fans.
Tiger is going to win the Masters. And when he does, I hope he gives no press conference afterwards. He should pull a Barry Bonds now. Fuck that; he should pull a J.D. Salinger now. Shut them all out. Just play golf. (If he really wanted to be like Jerome David, he would shut them all out and never play professional golf again. And not even let them watch him play golf. Then I guess you would have to have someone video tape all the times he did play golf in private, and then release it to the masses after his death. But that sounds pretty stupid. I think I have taken this analogy too far. That does remind me though, where the hell is my prepaid copy of Hapworth 16, 1924 ? Amazon Books… c’mon, fuckers. The man has been gone a while now. Surely those greedy relatives have greenlit the catalogue. At the risk of sounding like a ghoul, I am kinda glad he kicked it. I mean, he is a hero of mine and all , but I wanted him to die first so I could get a chance to read all the stuff he has been writing in seclusion these past decades. How could I not outlive him, you wonder? I don’t know, Sherlock. Perhaps you should ask my steady diet of pills, shnay and Taco Time Crisp Meat Burritos. But I digress.)
Anyways, point is: Leave Tiger Woods alone. It’s none of our business. So what if he is a hypocrite? Glass houses, Billy Joels. Glass fucking houses. And as for all the whores, everyone knows that powerful men need their whore time. It’s good for the marriage. Really. If you don’t believe me, ask any of my four wives.
You know, Ray Lewis allegedly stabbed a man to death – took his life while looking him in the eye – and nobody spent a ton of time covering that. In fact, we all now suck his ordained dick. Why? Cause the dude Ray-Ray killed didn’t have a shitload of pictures of himself in bikinis and lingerie with his freshly infected belly-button ring photo-shopped smooth as invisible cellulite. No, the 24 news cycle needs a little t&a to sink their teeth (or ordained dicks) into. Am I digressing again?
Good luck, Tiger. Here’s to you giving the hiz-aters a panther swipe this weekend. Sionara and…
Shine on you crazy diamond(s).
Jon Raw
owner/operator
DDG Records
posted: April 9, 2010
